I know you are a very hard-working, trust-worthy, life-maintaining friend, but please stop metabolizing my Tylenol. As you may have noticed, your boss (me) had gotten a cold – for what seems like the first time in a year – last night. It was an unpleasant sleep without aid of modern medicine; throughout the night I had to get up to drink warm water + let warm water out.
Gladly there’s Shopper’s on Campus, where I got the Life brand ($6.99) cheaped-out version of Tylenol, which had the same medical ingredient and more as the actual Tylenol ($10.49): acetaminophen (analgesic and antipyretic, 500mg), pseudoephedrine hydrochloride (nasal decongestant, 30mg), dextromethorphan hydrobromide (cough suppressant, 15mg) and a bonus chlorpheniramine maleate (antihistamine and sedative, 2mg) for the night pills. I think Tylenol rip you off on the nasal decongestant too (but they have sugar coating!)
But, my dearest liver, even though I got the most bang out of my bucks, all is in vain if you keep metabolizing my precious acetaminophen! I took two pills at 10am, and felt super awesome at 12noon. But you ate up my magic so fast, by 3:30pm, my headache and muscle pain all came back. Took two more pills, and felt ok by 5pm.
Now, I just took another magic acetaminophen pill at 8, which I hope will last till bed time and carry me through my dam biochem report. Please, please stop metabolizing my magic drug… like, take a break and come back in a few hours. No? Ok fine, I’ll just have to put you out with my Vodka then.